We are better than we act.
Aimlessly, albeit with an innate guidance from Great Spirit, I found myself searching for a some kind of resource to start this healing assignment I've been given ... but first things first-I needed to get myself together. So, accepting that all of what topically feels so negative: betrayal from (close by blood) family members, (now, thankfully ex-) lovers, and (supposed) friends, is actually what I needed in order to move to being my best self for me and the world, I pondered how 1st steps would begin, especially since I'd been feeling weighted just with the heaviness of my own sorrow. I could barely stand, and when I did, I was standing "alonely." But, something big is brewing, I can feel it. And I sure as hell would need to be able to stand up in order to carry out this great thing, or at least to get it started. Yet, I am still plagued with profound and frequent sadness that gets out of hand as I contemplate how to move forward.
Constant self-talk and attempts to suppress putting a blade to my neck are as arduous as working 12 hours/day at a job I cannot stomach, kinda like what I had done for more than a decade. But, it's the glimmer, I suppose, that keeps me here...the knowledge that if I can overcome, holding on for that change that Sounds of Blackness so elegantly sings about and remember that there's no need to worry like Anita Baker and The Winans have so artistically expressed, I can be an example of overcoming-someone, actually, 100s, will be encouraged and thereby empowered to just be free to be. Now that's a job-actually a gift, that I can do all day long!
And out of somewhere-origin not known, perhaps directly from Great Spirit, I thought of 1988ish and the 1st time that I heard one of the most phenomenal displays of artistry EVER in William Charles "Tuck" Andress & Patricia "Patti" Cathcart Andress =Tuck and Patti, phenomenal jazz duo. (I was a hospital pharmacist in Lancaster, Pennsylvania back then and anyone who had music they wanted to be played (cassette tape days :-) brought in their music and the entire pharmacy staff listened. Some was good, some not. But there was one tape, Tears of Joy by Tuck and Patti, and one song, I've Got Just About Everything, that was exceptional. Thank goodness there was a rewind button) And later, in 1994 or 1995-ish, I had the amazing opportunity to actually see this duo perform at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C and "They Took My Breath Away." A simple stage, one mike in the center, Patti's voice, and Tuck's guitar-oh my, oh my, oh my. I walked on clouds for months afterward...so, what had happened I now find myself thinking aloud?
How could something (T & P's performance) so magical disappear, escaping like water through the cracks of a broken vase, rushing out so quickly and efficiently that I barely noticed that the broken vessel was actually me. And the escaping water that dampened my soul and had almost drowned my spirit, finally had stopped. But now what? Here I was-authentically me, a creative, thoughtful, sparkling being longing just to be.
But, it was now 22 years later and much had changed....
...when I suddenly realized that my spirit could live again, thrive again and those that had betrayed me, lied to me, and tried to use all of my heart without leaving any part for me, had been removed from my life-for (the) good! But not knowing exactly how to go it alone to reach the next oasis, I felt fear, and overwhelming panic. For as we humans are conditioned to do, I had been seeking the old places of "discomforting comfort" over the temporary loneliness , fear/fright, and the disconnect of being in-between.
And as it would be, celestially sanctioned, I am sure, I found my way to this 2010 youtube recording of a Diane Dayton interview of Tuck and Patti at the Annual VF Outlet Berks Jazz Fest. And though I haven't reached that next oasis, just yet, I can smell the scent of the harbor. The water's returned; but, it's not rushing anymore. In fact, it's soothing and nourishing and lulling...I'm pretty sure I can hear a voice not too far ahead saying we have the power to change...come on, shake us awake...
We are better than we act.
Helping you to open your own Wellness Window®. Laughs, love, and light all ways shine in this window. Chronic disease goes out while wellness comes in. Health shouldn't be a pain.